Basic Manners for Clueless People at the Ticket Booth

1. If the sign says you cannot buy a pass until 8:00, and the girl behind the counter says she doesn't have the passes until 8:00, maybe you should lay off until 8:00, and not come back every 5 minutes to see if it's 8:00 yet. When you see the other people buying passes, it's 8:00.

2. If you're talking to me and I'm sitting in a booth and you are smoking a cigarette, don't blow it directly in my 3 foot by 3 foot booth. There isn't much air in here as it is, and there's only about 3 inches for me to pass you your tickets and take your money. So fuck off, and don't blow your smoke through the little circles that are there so you can hear me and I can hear you.

3. If the line is long and you don't want to wait, don't open the back door of the booth and ask me for tickets. If that was allowed, the other 75 people in line would have done it. Fuck you.

4. If you volunteer to be somewhere at 7, and aren't going to show up, for the love of God, call and tell someone, so the poor girl in the booth that has been counting down every single minute 'til 7:00 doesn't have to stay an hour later, in that little airless booth, as the lines get longer.

5. The girl in the booth, although smart and pretty (hehe), cannot actually read your mind. This means when you slam down a $20, and don't say what you want, she's going to assume you want $20 worth of fair tickets. When she hands you $20 worth of fair tickets, don't gripe that you only wanted $10 worth. You have a mouth and vocal cords, yes? Excellent. Use them.

6. Please and thank you are not just for Sesame Street. You know them, fucker. When I hand you your tickets and tell you to have a good night, or have fun, or whatever little thing I'm saying at the time, don't fucking grunt at me. Try, "thanks, you too!" or something to that effect.

7. I am a volunteer. I have had this job for two hours, and am not getting paid. Do not give me sass when I tell you that I'm not sure how much passes cost for tomorrow, and you'll have to ask at the office. You fucker.

8. No, I cannot give you some wonderful special tickets so you can ride for free with your kid because he's too scared to go alone. Is that my problem? I'm sure your kid is superawesome. That's right, he's the next Einstein. He's just too afraid to ride the Super Duper Gut Spewer all by himself, but you're too cheap to pay too. What, exactly, do you want me to do about that? Do you walk into a restaurant and say, "I only have $10, but Bobby doesn't like to eat by himself... I'm going to need an extra meal for free."? NO! You don't. You stupid fuck.

9. When I exit my booth and am enjoying a nice piece of funnel cake, it's not a wise idea to tell me I should be helping out in the booth still. You shithead, you go work the booth.

10. I can't give you a free strip of tickets or charge you half price because you are an estranged friend's cousin's mailman's third cousin. Fuck off.

11. No, this wig isn't my real hair.

I think that's it.