Paper...book?

39 minutes ago, I picked up a book from my mom's sewing room, after being assured by two generations of Moms that reading would, indeed, assist my insomnia. (One of these moms was my mom, and the other was her mom, so natch, if it helps them, it should help me, right?). Moms know things. That's why they're the moms and we are the not-moms.

So I go upstairs to my mom's sewing room and flick on the light. My mother, bless her, sleeps as if she is a security guard constantly doing the night shift at a museum full of one-of-a-kind historical artifacts. I'm actually not sure if she sleeps at all, but I do know that she has slept before because I have witnessed it on rare occasions. This woman will wake up if you wake up, in another room. She will wake up if you even think about waking up. How she does this, I am not sure. Anyway, sure enough, as I was in the sewing room trying to peruse something that didn't have a half-dressed man covered in butter on the front (yo, what's the deal with Harlequins, anyway?), she was roused from sleep and came to inquire as to what I was doing.

(Note: This whole mom-constantly-on-guard thing saved me from a lot of fun terrible things throughout my high school years. Sneaking out of my house is practically impossible and involves a series of carefully executed plans, right down to the type of footwear that must be worn to successfully escape, and the fact that you have to wait to zip up your coat until you get outside. I've said too much.)

Anyway, so I grab a book, mom goes back to bed, and I sit down to read the book. It's something to do with vampires.

I read eight pages. I put the book down and grab my computer, where I can read pages and pages and pages of whatever kind of crap I want, and not have to follow a storyline at all.

Oh, how being part of the Facebook generation has, indeed, ruined me.

I don't even know how to read anymore.

In Short:

This book would be easier to read if it were set in Facebook format. The vampire guy could have a status message. Eg: "Vampire Guy is thirsty." Then vampire guy could post a short note about the trials and tribulations of his life, and vampire queen could post a photo album to keep us up to date of how many people she's bitten and converted to vampire-ism. Then we'd all know. And there'd be no reason to kill trees.

Also, on a completely unrelated aside: I don't know why I never drank milk before. It's not gross like I thought it was. And it's cold. Maybe the big, bad Bessie with the M-I-L-K has finally infiltrated me. Shit. Seriously though, I'm limiting my caffeine consumption in an effort to curb my sleep issues, so I've been drinking milk instead of coffee and tea. (It's funny because when you're a kid you're like, dying to be old enough to drink coffee. You get old enough to drink coffee, and you're astounded when you re-discover milk. WTF?).

Anyway, I'm going to go read a few more pages of Vampires Sucking Souls And Probably Falling in Love Somewhere Around Page 137 and then try to sleep.

Be well,
J.