dear body

Dear Body,

As further to our conversation of approximately two hours ago, when I first decided it was getting near time to put you to bed, I would like to inquire as to why you are finding it so very difficult to actually close your eyes and nod off.

Over the past few nights, we have tried several methods to no avail. Radio on, radio off, radio on a timer. Rock music, country music, CBC Radio. Sleeping pills, no sleeping pills, Gravol, reading business textbooks, not reading business textbooks, reading PC Magazine, not reading PC Magazine. Writing before bed, not writing before bed. We've tried coffee (not a good plan), herbal tea (sort of a good plan), plain water (cold and room temperature), warm milk and cold milk. We've tried reading CNN. We've even attempted to see what the hell is up with Christianity -- we still don't understand, but at least we tried. We've read websites about museums and historical artifacts, which should surely make you want to sleep. We've tried late night walks, we've tried avoiding late night walks. We've tried warm pajamas and not-so-warm pajamas, and various bedclothes ranging from only a sheet to a few layers of blankets. We tried drawing pictures and cuddling with teddy bears. You are stupid, dear body, and I do not know what else you really expect me to do.

However, during the day, dear body, the second your eyes see the sun they scream in fear and close automatically.

Are you a vampire, dear body? No. You did not grow up eating Countchocula cereal or anything of that sort. So why on Earth do you insist on being nocturnal?

Please answer at your earliest convenience.

Love,

The Brain that Runs You