Ambesol, bitches.

Dear Ambesol,

I am not a teething baby, nor am I an individual with denture pain. I am, however, a binge drinker with a big hole in my lip. Thanks to your Extra Strength formula, intended for canker sores, I can actually eat food. I can't taste it due to the chemicals, but I can eat it. Mmm!

I would like to thank you for your product. Due to the location of my wound, it is impossible to not get my tongue numb as well. This leads to slurred speech and the desire to spit every three seconds. I am quite similar to a baby. Or an old, drunken cigar smoker. Take your pick.

So anyway, just wanted to pass along my gratitude, you know. If you wanted to send me any vouchers for free product, I will be sure to tell my friends how awesome you are.

Regards,

Jebbifner Noos
(at least that's what it sounds like when I say my name)